Picture Courtesy of “Southern Living Mag” The Cloister-http://www.seaisland.com/ This barrier-island resort is known for its friendly Southern service.
This weeks blog post is longer than my usual post because it’s about relationship. Yep! way longer.
I haven’t written much on relationship, as well, this topic have dominated my life for the past year. I was married for seventeen years, now legally separated for one year and officially on the single path and I have learnt a few things over the years. What I have tried to offer below are just some basic common sense ideas. I don’t profess to been an expert at relationships I just tried to offer some of what I have learnt over the years to you my blog readers, along with examples of the real life relationship between William and Kate in the hope that all or some parts of it can help you in your own lives.
There are so many dynamics that make up a relationship. “True love is real, but false love is forced if someone is demanding you love them.” When two people truly care for each other you can feel the energy, because they would no doubt have a strong bond and connection that everyone around them can see and feel. When someone’s love is not real the energy is different it feels off, it feels forced, your gut instincts, your intuition tells you something is not right. If someone is forcing you to love them, my question is, “What is this persons agenda or motivation if they are demanding you love them?” When someone demands you love them and your not inlove with them, it’s not real love, there is something else going on with the person. “What is their agenda, or motivation behind their actions?”
Several things could be happening with this person, but one factor at the root of this is self-esteem, and control issues. If someone is confident with themselves they will never force you to love them, that’s common sense. They will accept that your not inlove with them and they won’t force you, they will respect your decision. You have to let the people who care about you come to you naturally, you can’t demand love, it has to happen in it’s own natural way. “Why would anyone force or demand someone loves them knowing full well the person doesn’t love them in return or the way they want to be loved?” They would end up living a miserable life, and been terrible unhappy along with the person they want to be with, no doubt about it.
Real Life Relationships
Today, I have chosen to use William and Kate as real life examples of, “How not to lose a great relationship, just because someone in the relationship made a mistake.”
Prince William, now the Duke of Cambridge is a pretty level headed guy, intelligent, smart capable guy, who works with the Royal Air Force as a pilot doing search and rescue missions. However, he screwed up and made a big mistake during the relationship between him and Kate. Such a big mistake that he and Kate were separated for several months sometime in 2007. The information came from the “movie, “William and Kate 2011” That I watched a few days on television prior to the wedding.
*There are two versions of the movie Trailer (See Videos Below)
William & Kate Movie Trailer 2, 2011
William & Kate Movie Trailer 1, 2011
This Video includes Kate at a fashion show, plus other scenes.
William & Kate
So, what happened? a combination of a few things but apparently it started with him been upset with Kate because she mentioned he was spending too much time with his guy friends. I will pause here for awhile and I have mentioned this before in a blog article I posted awhile back. “You can always find friends but it’s difficult to find true love.” So, be careful not to let your friends ruin a great relationship. The key is to maintain balance hanging out with your friends everyday not good especially if your in a relationship. Balance is the key. If your friends respect you they will appreciate the time you spend with them whenever you can, they shouldn’t make you feel guilty if you can’t be with them all the time. If they are mature enough they should understand.
Anyway, one of William’s friends told him he’s young, he’s in his twenties why would he go get engaged when he should be out “getting all the girls he can get, because once he’s married that’s it.” I say, you could add picking up germs or incurable diseases, or getting a girl pregnant a girl you don’t see yourself been with long-term to the sentence oh, my gosh! What a lame friend. Anyway, many guys do that all the time with guy friends when they see they have a great shot at a good relationship, often times it’s out of jealousy or they just simple don’t care or because of their selfishness.
I believe guy friends say things like that because they feel they won’t get to hang out anymore, but that’s not true. So, William took off in a yacht with his guy friends partying up a storm, while Kate and him were apart for several months. Finally, he realized these girls don’t love him, they love his status, him been the future king of England one day, not William the guy. Like Teddy P. Song below says, “it feels good loving somebody and somebody loves you back,” William realized that Kate loved him dearly for him not because of his family connection and he didn’t want to lose such a great relationship, the other women didn’t care about him, all they cared about was been seen with him. Kate loved him for him, big difference.
He knew he messed up and he admitted to making a terrible mistake and now we know they are together. He’s not perfect, neither is the next man, or the next man after that, he made just this one big mistake not many like some people, before he and Kate got engaged. Some people are addicted to mistakes and make them over and over and over again and don’t learn from them. William made just one big mistake during the relationship but he realized and was man enough to admit he screwed up big time, but he fixed his mistake and he’s with Kate now. His friends didn’t care if he fixed his mistake or not they were been selfish and just living in the moment. “Why wouldn’t he fix his mistake, he was not dead he was still alive wasn’t he?” Kate was still very much inlove with him. So, the premise of the story is that if there are men out there trying to say they won’t mess up at some point in the relationship, they are not only fooling themselves, but they are fooling you and the people around them. If they don’t mess up today, they will do it later, but it will happen, their time will come.
Relationship Don’ts
My rules are I would not go into a relationship if I was not inlove with the person, period. That road would lead to unhappiness. I would not go down the aisle or walk to the altar, or get married to someone knowing I am not inlove with them. “Why would I choose to live a lie?” Why would you choose to live a lie if you were faced with that issue? You know what I mean. You can’t lie to your heart, neither can you live with your conscience, knowing you are not inlove with someone and go into a relationship with them. If someone is forcing me to lie to my own heart then obviously that person is not right for me. Someone who truly cares for you would say, “You know what it hurts that your not inlove with me, but I want you to be happy and I wish you all the best in life.” That’s what you call doing the right thing. If you care for someone you don’t place restrictions on them you set them free with the knowledge that your day will come where someone will love you genuinely for who you are. As well, you set them free like what Kate did to William where she let him go, she did love him dearly but she refused to force him to make up his mind, he had to learn on his own he had to decide whether he wanted to be with her or not, she didn’t want to force him to love her.
I am like Kate too, I don’t want to nor would I force anyone to love me, even if I am inlove with them, I want them to love me willing from their heart, from their soul, yes, from every fiber of their being, oh, my, gosh! If they return to me, I know I did not force them and that makes it special, if they don’t return life goes on, there is nothing you can do, because you can’t force them or hold them prisoners. Kate valued herself as a woman, she held herself in high regard. Even though she was hurt about how William treated her, she went on with her life doing charitable work, hanging out with her girlfriends, just keeping busy for those several months, but also with the hope that he would return to her one day. She was hoping he would return but—-She did not force him, she wanted him to do so from his heart, which he did several months later. William went to get her and we know they are together now.
When we fall inlove with someone and something happens to keep you and the person apart, all you can do is “hope”. Hope is not a bad thing. You get on with your life, you don’t harass them or stalk them. Basically, you get on with your life, yes, in your heart as a woman, you hope the guy would return one day to you, because you love them, but they must always do this at their own “Free Will.” God gave everyone the gift of “Free Will.” Our ability to make our own choices without force or intimidation. Never force anyone to love you, let them go and if they return to you, you know it was meant to be and they did so without force. That’s what love is, that is what you do when you love someone.
That is the best gift you could give yourself and others. “How can anyone live with lying to themselves that way for the rest of your life—knowing they are not inlove with the person they are with?” That’s what I would call not living your authentic life. It would be living a life of “False Pretenses.” Picture a tower falling apart and crashing to the ground, that’s how a relationship built on “False love” would collapse, a love that is not authentic or real or genuine. You can’t demand that someone loves you. “What’s the point of doing that?”Any relationship built on that premise would fail.
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I could talk about relationship all day but I don’t have time oh, my, gosh! I just want to say be careful ladies and men don’t fool yourselves into believing that if you meet someone and they make a couple mistakes you get rid of them because you are looking for perfection. I was married for seventeen years and my marriage ended for several reasons, nothing I wish to disclose to the general public. However, lets just say it was a very painful and tragic experience, but it definately did not qualify for “Mistake Exemption” oh, my, gosh! Sorry, not in my book. What is the point of been in a relationship if your not happy or the other person isn’t? Actually, only a handful of people know what happened to end my marriage which includes my mom, my Grandfather and yes, they fully supported my decision to end my marriage a year ago and move on with my new life and someone I met with briefly last summer. I am not one to discuss my private life with anyone, I usually do so sparingly.
Anyway, back to the topic of discussion, no one is perfect, we all at some point in life will make one big mistake whether it’s relationship motivated or otherwise. If your alive and well, I don’t see any reason why you should not be able to fix your mistake if you made one in a relationship and go on to live a happy life. Just like William, he realized he messed up and was still alive then and he is still alive now thank God for that and he was able to fixed his mistake and is now with Kate. What would have happened if he had listened to all the friends who wanted him to party all the time, and get all the girls he can get. Or, that bad friend or others around him who didn’t care if he tried to fix his mistake. “Would he have found anyone else that genuinely loved him like Kate did?” Probably not the same way. After William spoke with his dad he realized he needed to do the right thing. Good for him.
In life for me personally, it’s all about doing the right thing. We all have to live with our conscience and we must always strive to do what we know is right, not what could potentially cause alot of pain, similar to what the Queen did with Charles and Diana. Doing the right thing is always important that I know for sure. Putting people together in relationships that are just one-sided or trying to force another person to love you will not work, and in your own heart you know it’s not right.
Charles & Diana
Everyone can remember Charles Prince of Wales and Diana relationship. Charles was not inlove with Diana, but the Queen his mom wanted him to marry someone that would best fit the monarchy, the tradition. Camilla, that he was already having a relationship with did not fit this ideal. So, everyone knows by now how that relationship ended up. Diana ended up feeling depressed, lonely, sad and just miserable in the relationship. She was inlove with Charles but he was not inlove with her. No forced relationship will never work. It cannot and will only lead to failure and heartache for everyone involved.
The traditional ways of a relationships always work better. That is my belief. Been unconventional like the Queen by setting up two people who don’t care about each other, or one person cares but the other doesn’t is crazy and people shouldn’t do that. The Queen did that and it failed and cause alot of pain, heartache and embarrassment. Many ordinary middle class families like us do this sometimes and they failed as well. Now. In some cultures around the world some people believe arrange marriages where two people who have never met before or who are not even inlove with each other can work and be successful. That is their culture and I respect that, but it is not my tradition and frankly, I don’t believe in that sort of arrangement.
I would never go into a relationship with anyone I am not inlove with and no one can’t force me to be with someone I don’t want to be with either. I wouldn’t force anyone to love me either, if the person loves you and wants to be with you let them do so at their own “Free Will,” you know what I mean. If the person wants to be with you great, if they don’t, life goes on, you can’t force them. I believe people should stick with what’s right what is conventional and what is traditional. Boy meets girl, girl meets boy they fall inlove with each other and they both share a strong bond, connection and chemistry that fuels the relationship. Why would anyone want to destroy that? or make up something else to fit their ideals? That doesn’t make sense.
Life is not a parade, a dance, or a game show, life is real. Matchmaking shows today have devalued the way “Traditional love,” is suppose to be. Men and women competing for an opportunity to date one person. All by the process of elimination. People say, “may the best man or woman win.” This is dangerous thinking and it is not built on the right premise. How many people who entered these matchmaking shows end up having a successful relationship that last for many years? A handful if they are lucky. Most of these relationships failed because they are “Forced.” It’s about winning it’s not about been truly inlove.
Take the “Bachelorette Show” for example. The idea that one man who falls inlove with the girl, he’s madly inlove with her but then he makes one mistake and he’s eliminated from the show. Why? Because he comes across as either too aggressive or he said or did something silly that was embarrassing but he gets eliminated from the show. Here is the real catch, the real deal to the story. “What if he was really the one for her, her true soulmate?”A great relationship would have been lost because he made a couple silly mistakes. People have to be sensible today and I believe many people let good relationships slip by because someone makes a few mistakes on these shows. No one is perfect. In some cases on the “Bachelorette Show,” one guy will do something silly or say something silly that hurts the girl and before you know it he’s eliminated even when he admits and apologizes and say he was wrong.
The girl on the show is fooling herself. She goes ahead with this mindset along with her friends and family that wants’ the guy who says all the right things and is always nice all the time. Just because one guy made a mistake he’s been judged harshly for making a few mistakes, now the other guy is trying to make this one guy look bad, and the other guy or guys are now officially the “The Saint/s of the Day.”
Common Sense #1:
The Guy who is acting like, “The Saint of the Day,” pretending like he would never do anything to hurt the girl he’s lying to the girl, himself and the people around him. “Listen, he hasn’t hurt the girl yet, it will come.” I repeat, “he hasn’t hurt the girl yet it will come.” He hasn’t done his share of mistakes yet. At some point the guy who is acting like the saint will screw up and will make his share of mistakes that could potentially turn out to be far worst, than what the first guy did, enough to cause the relationship to fail. Think about that for awhile.
Common Sense #2:
Here is another thing, if the guy is judging this other guy harshly on how bad a mistake he makes, “how is he going to treat the girl in a relationship if she makes one mistake?” “Don’t you not think he’s going treat her the same way?” Ummm……..He would treat her terribly and judge her harshly because in his mind she must be perfect. This is a form of emotional abuse, because he will always want the woman to be perfect all the time and when she is not, he will become angry and belittle her. He would not want to forgive her for making a mistake. He would not tolerate a mistake or error from her, one mistake from her and she’s gone, his tolerance level with her would be very low, just like his tolerance level is low with the guy, the relationship would be over it would not survive. “Do you get the whole picture?”
Actually, I recently saw this played out with a couple on the television show, “My First Sale”. The guy was selling his house and the girl was not only his girlfriend but his Real Estate Agent. She couldn’t get the home to sell fast enough for him, and it reached the point where he basically told her, if she didn’t sell the home in the time he wanted, he was going to find another agent. I was shocked. I felt so sorry for the girl. Not only did he embarrass her on national television but he made her looked incompetent. This is suppose to be his girlfriend. It was a form of emotional abuse, he wanted her to be perfect. Sell his house on time when he wants it, and this was out of her control. Many times he got really angry with her and they were on television, “So,what is he like then behind closed doors?” That’s so bad, I think that girl should move on with her life, because it won’t get better it will get worse for her.
Common Sense #3:
This is for parents out there. Don’t force your children to be in a relationship with anyone they don’t love or who doesn’t love them. Don’t be like the Queen and create major unhappiness. It’s just basic common sense. If people who are inlove with each other still have issues to deal with on an everyday basis, much less having two people who don’t like each other or two people in a “One-Sided Relationship.” They would be miserable together, no doubt about it. Charles and Diana were miserable together, completely unhappy. When Diana passed away, Charles went back to the woman he was inlove with and who was inlove with him– Camilla, but not before causing everyone a whole lot of pain and suffering. We all saw how it all played out on television over the years. For crying out loud, this is just basic common sense. After all the pain the Queen went through, she decided to give Charles and Camilla permission to be together, because she didn’t want to cause herself and others anymore pain. So, putting two people together who are not inlove with each other or like Charles & Diana a one-sided relationship and tell me again, “What was the result of that marriage again?” Wake up everyone. If your child meets someone and they fall deeply inlove with the person and that person is inlove with them. Then that is who they should be with. Not with someone who doesn’t love them. “Why would you deny them the gift of true love?”
“You love your child don’t you, and don’t you want them to be happy, to spend their lives with someone who loves them?”
In life we have to use our common sense, just because one guy made a couple of mistakes doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy or he’s not the right guy for the girl. It just means he’s human. If William Prince of Wales, did not “Pucker Up,” so to speak, and realize he was going to lose a great relationship he and Kate would not have been together today, all because he made one big mistake. That is why many of these people go on these matchmaking shows and the relationship does not last because either the woman or the man looking for love on these shows have “Tunnel Vision.” They have this idea in their heads that the person must be perfect coming into their lives that they must never make one mistake, or two. When the person do end up really showing their true self and that they are in fact human and they do screw up and make mistakes. Then they say to themselves, “I don’t want this person anymore because now they said they wouldn’t hurt me and now they did, I don’t want them.” “Show me one guy out there that will not make a mistake that hurt the woman at some point in a relationship whether he did it at the beginning of the relationship or later?” Show me one. So, which is better, making the mistake at the beginning of the relationship or later. I say, at the beginning. Why? Because most people learn from it and don’t ever want to do it again. William made his big mistake at the beginning of the relationship before he and Kate got engaged. He learnt from it. Now he knows what to do. To never make the same mistake again.
For the Men
“Have you ever noticed that when a guy have a girl that’s not his type or she’s not considered for a long-term relationship, or she’s not a great fit, the girl doesn’t get noticed?” Nobody cares who he is dating. On the other hand, the minute he finds the right girl to spend the rest of his life with, then every guy wants her or like in William case try to break up the relationship. His friends realized he had found the right girl for him, and instead of encouraging him to be with Kate, they tried to break them up, but it didn’t happen.
Basically, when your guy friends try to take your girl from you, they figure you already do all the legwork to find the right girl for you, and they don’t want to go look for a girl themselves they want yours, it’s easier that way. They are been lazy basically, they don’t want to take the time out to look for someone for themselves because you already did the work. They figure if the girl is good for you, then the girl is good for them, but in most cases the woman is not a match for them, they are just been mean and downright insulting to you. “Why not just steal the cookie out the jar if it’s already there?”
Don’t forget some guy friends are just waiting for you to make one mistake, thinking that they could get a chance to be with your girl. That is mean spirited and is not a nice thing to do. Instead of trying to steal your girl, if they are truly your friends and cared at all they would try to help you get your girl back not try to take her from you. “What is the point of the guy who is trying to take your girl anyway?” Obviously, he has some issues to deal with. He can’t have what doesn’t belong to him, meaning the girl you have, have already fallen inlove with you, I would assume, he’s just wasting his time. If the girl is already inlove with you, the guy just needs to move on and find a life of his own.
He knows the girl is not into him but with you, So, the questions is, “What is this guys problem anyway?” Just one word, Jealousy. He just feels bad because he feels the girl should like him and not you, and you don’t deserve the attention, he does. “Why would he feel that way?” Confidence, he doesn’t have confidence in himself, if he did he would know that he could find a girl for himself. That’s just been childish and immature on the guys part, he needs to get over it, be mature about it, be a man about it, and move on with his own life.
Just like Kate, she was already deeply inlove with William and so the friends couldn’t break them apart, they shared a strong bond and connection. They should be helping you get your girl back Not dive in and try to take her away from you. The thing is, since they try to take your girl from you, you can’t trust them now, can you? Oh, my, gosh! Not a nice thing to do at all, let them go find someone for themselves. Women are not commodities nor are they objects, women are real people not a prize to be gained at whatever cost.
So, to all the guys out there, if you see or find the right girl for you, don’t play games and don’t wait forever to let her know you care about her. Great relationships are hard to find, true love is hard to find. The girl is not going to wait a lifetime for you. So, if you see a girl you like and she likes you don’t waste time go for it, and don’t let your friends breakup your relationship, if you know she is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. As well, don’t force a girl to love you either, it will never work out at all, the relationship would not last. My Grandmother always use this phrase with me all the time, I will pass it on to all my blog readers, “Make Hay while the Sun still Shines.” In other words, seize the moment as soon as you can. Does that make sense? Yeah, I think it does. So, for the men, it’s up to you to get the girl not the other way around. What my Grandmother was trying to tell me back then when I was a young child, now I know she was trying to motivate me with pep talk—oh, my, gosh! What she wanted was for me to get on with life, seize the day, seize the moment, don’t wait for life to fall into my lap. Go get it, whatever it is I desire in life. So, this great tip is for the men, use it wisely. So, in the long run, it’s up to you to get the girl, don’t just expect the girl to fall into your lap. I love my Grandmother so much she was so wise, I miss her everyday.
This week I have featured a great song and singer who is no longer with us but I grew up listening to his songs, “Teddy Pendergrass” his song titled, “When Somebody loves you back.” It’s a great song about when two people love each other, you love them, they love you, what more could you ask for in life. See song below—Enjoy!.
All the Best with your Relationships Everyone!
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Stormie Omartian Prayer of the Day
www.stormieomartian.com
When You Need to Find Peace of Mind
Lord, whenever You went through times of trouble, You always withdrew from the crowd and went to a place by Yourself to be alone with Your heavenly Father. Help me to learn to do that too. At the first sign of loneliness or lack of peace, remind me to draw closer to You and sense the comfort of Your presence and the healing power of Your love.
You have made him most blessed forever; You have made him exceedingly glad with Your presence. Psalm 21:6
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Featured Musician This week: “Colbie Caillat”
Colbie Marie Caillat is 25 yrs.old and is an American pop singer-
songwriter and guitarist from Malibu, California. Her father, Ken Caillat, co-produced Fleetwood Mac‘s Rumours (1977) and Tusk (1979) albums. http://www.colbiecaillat.com/
Colbie’s song says what I just spoke about in the blog article above, you can’t force someone to love you, they have to realize and follow their own heart…..Just like William realized he loved Kate and that she loved him too, It was up to him to follow his own heart.
Enjoy the song.
This great song by Tim & Faith, I dedicate to someone very close to my heart…..where ever they are right now, this is for them.
Enjoy the song!
Theodore DeReese "Teddy" Pendergrass passed 
away at the age of 59, on January 13, 2010 was an American R&B/soul singer and songwriter. In 1982, he was severely injured in an auto accident in Philadelphia, resulting in his being paralyzed from the waist down. To read more about Teddy visit here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teddy_Pendergrass Or visit his website here: http://www.teddypendergrass.com/
Great Song, Great Singer. Wasn’t Teddy a handsome guy? He is funny too have a listen—Turn this up and Enjoy, I love this song!
