~ A blog for the citizens of Durham Region and others to enjoy, Bowmanville, Newcastle, Ajax,Whitby, Pickering, Clarington. This blog is about Food, Life, Culture
I have been so busy, my gosh! My son had his S.K. Graduation on Thursday gone. He will be off to Grade 1 in September and my daughter took off for a camping trip to Peterborough early this morning and won’t be back until tomorrow. Me and my son will be home all day today. Wow! Plus I am still trying to get my home prepared for sale, I am nearly there, but I still have the entire house carpet to clean, room by room. Boy, oh, Boy I really do need a social life.
My 6 yr.old son Richard says this little girl is his girlfriend. Oh, my, gosh! Her name is Katelyn she is blond. I don’t know what is going on with this blond thing, he’s too funny. Here is the real deal, she said this is her boyfriend too. Kids! He will be going to her BBQ party on the last day of school because she invited him. I can’t believe my son have a more active social than I do, oh, my, gosh! Too funny.
Yes, starting to clear clutter from my kitchen. Kitchens are hard to de-clutter. This flower in the jar is from my backyard, I will miss it when the house is sold. Well, some new owner will have a great plant to enjoy.
To Love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance. –Oscar Wilde
Living our authentic self should be one of our main priorities in life. We should treat this as a vital functioning system, similar to the way we eat to stay alive. Part of been authentic is accepting that you will not lie to yourself, or allow others to manipulate you into making you believe that you are someone who is not real or genuine. Living authentic is about fully wanting to have genuine love, happiness and completely abandoning all the negative things in your life that does not work for you including relationships. Be true to yourself at all times about how you feel in your heart especially with the person you are entering a relationship with.
“Love is like a tree. Without the roots of the tree no love, no relationship or no marriage can ever survive.”
Going forward on this new journey in life my goal is to always be true to myself and to be as authentic as I can without losing my sense of self and purpose. Last Summer, I met someone oh, so briefly whom I can describe in so many words as wonderful, magnificent and beautiful. Everyday that passes I miss them dearly, words cannot describe how much they truly mean to me. I don’t say this lightly when I say, “No one will ever be able to replace them, because they mean the world to me.”
I will remain true to my heart because, I want nothing less for myself. If they can’t be with me, at this time I would never enter a relationship with anyone for the sake of just wanting to be in a relationship. “Why?” Because I fell inlove and it was real and it was genuine and I don’t see myself been with anyone else.
What I want you my blog readers to understand, is to always be true, authentic and real with yourself especially women. Don’t second guess yourself as a woman, when it comes to love. Follow your instincts it never fails. If you meet someone and you didn’t make an emotional connection or the chemistry wasn’t there with them then use that as your inner guide—your compass. It is telling you that the person you didn’t have an emotional connection with is not the right person for you, don’t second guess yourself, just follow your intuition. It will never fail you.
It’s summer now and many of you women out there will either be getting engaged or be walking down the aisle this summer. This will be probably one of the most exciting times of your life, but it could also turn out to be one of the most painful, if you marry someone you are not inlove with. What I want you to take with you, on this new and exciting time of your life, is to not get engaged or walk down the aisle with someone you know in your heart you are not inlove with. If your not inlove with the person and you get committed to them in that way, you will only cause yourself a great deal of pain and unhappiness.
Not only for yourself but your family will also be affected because eventually your marriage will start to fall apart and they will not only be deeply hurt by your pain and sadness, but you don’t want them to live with such a painful regret. I have heard stories over the years or I might come across an occasional person who is filled with regret because they end up marrying the wrong person, or the person they liked but was not inlove with. “Don’t let that happen to you.”
I am not quote and quote a Psychologist or Therapist but I do speak from experience— “my life experiences” have taught me so many things and so I want to share my knowledge with my blog readers so you all can live a better and more fulfilling life.
******
Has backup, I have posted what Dr.Robin said in an article about the “Importance of Love in a Marriage” She is an expert in her field I believe you can trust what she says and she says the same thing I have been saying on my blog for awhile now. The overall message: “Do not go into relationships with people who you are not inlove with or who is not inlove with you. Do not enter into relationships that are “One-Sided.”
Recently Dr. Robin received a call from a 24-year-old man named Will, who said he was ready to get married. He had a crucial question for Dr. Robin: How important is love in a marriage? "The bottom line is, at the end of the day, true and genuine love is all that counts," Dr. Robin says. In the context of marriage, being loved means that someone knows you, she says. "They see the things that are magnificent and great about you, and they also see your shortcomings. They invite you to come to the table with all of who you are and all of who you are not, and they embrace your journey."
Dr. Robinsays “if love is not at the foundation of your relationship, don’t get married.”
"If you stand at the alter and you take vows saying you are going to love someone with all of your heart, body and mind, but you don’t want to be there, then not only are you going to hurt that person but you are going to hurt them a lot more after you say ‘I do,’ when you start pulling away from them."
The exhilaration of being in love is necessary, but you need a foundation built on true love in order to sustain your relationship over time, Dr. Robin says. "It requires that you really know what your own needs are, what your own interests are," Dr. Robin says. "Love is essential in a marriage if it is to be worth your love, your time and your energy."
This is exactly what I have been saying even in my last article and prior articles I posted on my blog. I care about people and that is why I want to write and pass on what I have learnt to you my blog readers. Especially since my 17 yr marriage has come to an end. Relationships already have so many dynamics to it, and so many issues to work out, “Why would you want to go into a relationship with or get married to someone you are not inlove with or who is not inlove with you?” Save yourself a lifetime of pain and don’t enter into any relationship like that. It is just basic common sense and anyone who wants you to do that does not care for you, and does not have your best interest at heart. Neither do they care for themselves.
As a woman, don’t allow yourself to fall into that kind of trap or allow others to manipulate you, or force you, or demand that you love them, when clearly you don’t feel the same way about them. If you are getting married soon. Take your wedding vows seriously. I am quite sure that many of you have children and you want to pass the same message to your children. Why? You want them to be happy, you want them to live an authentic life and you don’t want them to get into relationships where the other person doesn’t love them. It’s just common sense people.
“Don’t walk down the aisle with anyone man or woman if you know in your heart you are not inlove with the person.” It will save you a whole heap of heartache, pain, and yes, suffering. Sometimes people get into relationships and decide to get married, knowing they are not inlove with the person, because they feel embarrassed to tell the person, that they are not inlove with them. Don’t be embarrassed, it’s better to speak up now and speak the truth before committing yourself. You would be saving yourself a lifetime of pain.
Personally, I would never be the kind of person that would stand before God and lie to God about what I feel in my heart. Especially, on such a special occasion as when one is taking their marriage vows. When someone is demanding or forcing you to love them when you are not inlove with them, Basically, what they are asking you to do especially if your a woman who is going to be getting married and you stand before the priest or pastor. Is that, the person is just plainly asking you to lie to Godand yourselfand that my dear is wrong. On a special day like your wedding day, “Don’t make a mockery of God, and don’t allow others to force you to make a mockery of yourself and for you to not live your true authentic self.” Remember, you could potentially end up spending the rest of your life with someone who you know your not inlove with so don’t as a woman commit to any man if your not inlove with them. I wouldn’t get myself into that kind of situation ever! Don’t go down that road, and don’t let anyone try to drag you down that path either, let them go down that road by themselves but not with you. You deserve better than that in life.
“Life is way too short to enter a relationship or marriage with someone you are not inlove with or who is not inlove with you.”
Love Quotes
“It’s hard to pretend you love someone when in fact you don’t.”
“Don’t force yourself to fall in love just because you think it’s your turn. Wait for a while, maybe cupids are having a hard time searching for the heart that deserves the kind of love you can give.”
“To truly love is to have the courage to walk away and let the other person who wishes to be free go no matter how much it hurts.
Lord, help me to know Your Word well enough to speak it out loud whenever I need to recall it. I know that Your Word is living and powerful, and it always accomplishes the purpose for which You have sent it. May Your Word living in me help me to become the whole and productive person You made me to be. May it work in me and prepare me to accomplish great things for Your kingdom.
So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.
Isaiah 55:11
******
All these beautiful love songs I dedicate to someone I refer to as “Bright Eyes” these songs are for you.” I Miss you everyday of every hour and hope you are okay, wherever you are….these songs go out to you.
Shania Twain Opens Up About Painful Divorce & Finding Love Again
Shania Twain spoke recently with Access Hollywood about how her 14-year marriage suddenly came crashing down. And now, the 45-year-old singer has revealed to Access Hollywood’s Shaun Robinson brand new painful details about her ex-husband’s alleged betrayal, and how she discovered the tragic news.
"My husband just said that our relationship is over and didn’t necessarily want a divorce. Well, he said, ‘I may not be in a rush to get a divorce,’" Shania told Shaun in a Los Angeles interview on Thursday, referring to her now-ex, Mutt Lange. "But you certainly can’t have your cake and eat it too… I’d understood that our marriage was over, but I did not know that there was an affair going on."
The alleged affair was between her husband at the time – Mutt — and his personal assistant, Marie-Anne Thiebaud – who Shania considered a good friend.
It was Marie-Anne’s husband, Fred, who broke the news to Shania. Marie-Anne has denied the affair.
The painful split took its toll on Shania both emotionally and physically, as she said she went through a period of not being able to eat and experiencing a feeling of extreme cold.
"I was freezing all the time, I couldn’t get my body temperature up," she told Shaun. "I was taking hot baths several times a day, but still freezing so cold that I had to wear my jacket inside. I wasn’t eating anything — I was on fluids [for] a whole week — not a solid bit of food."
Thankfully, in a strange twist of fate, the "From This Moment" singer has found love and is now married to Fred Thiebaud, the ex-husband of Marie-Anne.
Shania Twain On Finding Love Again – ‘I’m In Love With My Best Friend’…
Fred looked on adoringly as Shania opened up to Shaun about how the scorned spouses came together, and married on New Year’s Day 2011 in Puerto Rico.
Published by Yahoo.com
The Ending of Marriages and the Issues that comes with it.
Shania is a celebrity in her own right but I am just a normal everyday person who just a year ago found myself in a situation where my marriage ended as well, after 17 yrs. I have been legally separated for a year now. My situation is such that I am still living in the same home as my Ex, something that I am not proud of and don’t want to do and would rather be living somewhere else. However, due to my financial situation as well as the fact that I do have two wonderful children that I want to be in a safe environment that allows them some level of normalcy in their lives. Right now my attention is focused on them making sure the kids are happy, as well as focusing on myself. Just keeping busy and maintaining a positive outlook. My Ex husband and I only communicate very rarely. Only when there is something to talk about the kids, we talk only about basic things, in other words, we speak only when necessary. My 6 yr.old son and I are roommates and no, he doesn’t make a good roommate at all, oh, my, gosh! Especially on weekends. He usually wakes me up pretty early because he’s on school time, and it drives me crazy, oh, my, gosh. This situation I am in won’t last like this forever, not at all. At some point in time I will need to move to a different place and location, but for now this is the way things are. God understands my situation so, I have passed my life over to his hands. I can honestly tell you, it’s not easy, but when things get hard, okay, so I started to cry as I am writing this……when things get really hard, I try to think about my kids you know, I just want them to be happy, that’s all, and if it means I have to be like this for awhile then that’s the sacrifice I make.
When I was a little girl living in the Caribbean my Grandmother made many sacrifices for me, yes, she was my Angel on Earth. She made many sacrifices something that she didn’t have to do but she did so from her heart, I miss her so much, I can’t talk about her without not crying, she meant the world to me. She would have wanted me to do the same thing for my kids. She never let me down, and I don’t want to let my kids down either.
I know exactly how Shania must have felt when she realized her marriage had come to an end like she said, it was a very painful experience for her. I think having great support around you is great if you have it, I don’t know how Shania’s support system was, I know her mother passed away several years ago. For me with the ending of my marriage it was my mom who I leaned on for extra support. On the Oprah Winfrey show recently Shania said, it took her 5 yrs. to get through her pain. I wished it didn’t take her so long though, but everyone handles the ending of a relationship differently on an emotional level. I know it must have been hard for her, especially when things happen that are unexpected and completely out of your control. You have no idea what hit you, so I know how she feels.
Everyone deals with the ending of a relationship differently. For me, it took several months to get through the pain and hurt. It was a very intense, painful and demanding time for me even though it lasted for a few months, it doesn’t mean the pain was any less. Not only had my marriage come to an end, but I was dealing with trying to get my first set of products out to a large retailer in Ontario, so it was a pretty intense time for me, to say the least. Plus, trying not to lose my home at the same time, because the kids were also returning to school last September. Yes, I had my plate full, for sure. I can say with all honesty that I am the kind of person because of my life experiences I refuse to let anyone or anything keep me down for too long. Life is way too short and I don’t want to waste any minute of it, God wants me to be happy and that is what I am striving for going forward with this new chapter of my life.
The past is gone, all I have in life is now this moment and the future is what we make of it. Shania also admitted that she haven’t been out singing for the past 5 yrs now because she was so hurt by the failure of the marriage she lost her voice, her ability to sing, but she is working on it, and hope to return to singing again. “Isn’t that hard though, the fact that she lost her voice because she was so hurt over the ending of her marriage?” I know how difficult it must have been for her, especially when you have invested so many years into a marriage only for it to end and fall apart and it wasn’t your fault. I hope she starts singing again, I love all her songs, especially since I am big Country Music Fan.
Shania was recently quoted in Chatelaine Magazine as saying,
“For the first week after finding out about the affair, I was ready to die—to go to bed forever and never wake up. Or to hurt someone. I was ready to do something desperate, but in reality, there was nothing to do but to suffer through it. Fortunately, when you’re a mom, the responsibility of caring for your child can keep you going.”
Shania is right. Your child or children helps keep you going, it buffers the pain and because you have to stay aware at all times for the child or children that you have. It is true that God works in mysterious but miraculous ways, because while I was going through the ending of my marriage, I was busy trying to get a large order out to a retailer. So, I had no time at all to focus on my marriage that had come to a sudden end after 17 yrs. I was busy for several months right up the Christmas season with business as well, my kids kept me busy too. I strongly believe that the order from the retailer was a gift from God, I would say it was my “Saving Grace” so to speak. It was G0d’s way to keep me busy and alert, not depressed you know what I mean. God knows I needed that, it was a stressful time for me, but been busy kept me from focusing on my pain, so that was good. Then on top of that, just out of clear blue sky, “oh, my, gosh!” I’m laughing with myself, as if I didn’t have enough to deal with already, I go get myself falling inlove with someone who I think have the most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen, and I had no idea that was coming, that just happened to knocked me on my head unexpectedly. Anyway, that’s a whole other story, a story that I will keep safely tucked away in my heart. Yep! The universe definately had me on my toes.
Anyway, in reference to Shania the only thing I would have done differently and that is, I would not if I were her even if I was inlove with the man who’s wife had the affair with her husband, I would not marry him. For me, it’s all about ethics, values, traditions, conscience, and doing what is right. Conscience is a huge thing for me, I have to be able to sleep at night, oh, my, gosh! You know what I mean. I couldn’t see myself doing that, but that’s just me. Personally, I would feel uncomfortable marrying the guy who’s wife cheated with my husband, I wouldn’t do that at all, something doesn’t feel right about the whole thing. This situation almost feels similar to when a guy is going out with a girl but then another friend or relative or a brother wants to date the girl. It feels similar because everyone knows each other and is in the same inner circle, you know what I mean.
That kind of set up would certainly make me feel uncomfortable to say the least. See, I wouldn’t date a guy’s friend or brother, if the relationship between me and them did not work out. It’s about respecting people and caring about how they would feel if that happens. Doing something like that where a girl dates a guy’s friend or brother would show lack of respect not only for themselves but that shows lack of respect for the person who they were dating previously, It would hurt the guy terribly even if they don’t say so openly. Plus no one would have respect for the girl including the guy’s family, I would think they wouldn’t. It’s about doing what’s right, plus my conscience would just kill me, for sure it would, oh, my, gosh!
However, Shania feels it’s okay, and that there is nothing wrong with that, so I will respect her decision. Everyone deserves to be happy and if that’s how the universe wants her to experience it, well, so be it. Shania says, she fell inlove with Fred and he did with her, but for her sake I just wished she didn’t marry him. It would have been better for her to just stay friends with him. That is just my opinion. My Grandmother would have told me no, don’t do it. Oh, my, gosh! I could hear her in the back my head telling me, “it’s wrong child don’t do anything like that,” and you know what she was always right. I hope everything works out for Shania though, she did find love again and life is for living and she is following her own bliss and you know what, she deserves to be happy after all that she went through, I am happy for her. Who am I or anyone else to say anything about how she should live her life or what her life would be like later down the road, I wish her all the best.
As for me, I know God will open another door for me again, he always has a plan but you never know what his plan is, he always likes to surprise us. I have already gone through the pain of the ending of my marriage, the healing, the recovery and I was ready and open for love a year ago and I am still ready for love, Yep! Ready, and open for God to do his work. Whenever God decides to let it happen. If it were not for my strong Faith, Spirituality and trust in God I would not have been able to heal as fast as I did. However, I do trust God completely and I know that this new chapter of my life is blessed by God and that he has my best interest at heart. Yes, without any doubt or reservation I am ready for the next chapter of my life to unfold.
Lord, help me not to fear what others think of me. Help me to remember that because You have saved me and Your Spirit lives within me, the things judgmental people say cannot ultimately hurt me. When people say things that are critical, help me to let those things roll off my back and not stay in my mind and heart. Thank You that although hurtful words may come and go, my salvation lasts forever. Listen to me, you who know righteousness, you people in whose heart is My law: do not fear the reproach of men, nor be afraid of their insults. For the moth will eat them up like a garment, and the worm will eat them like wool; but My righteousness will be forever, and My salvation from generation to generation. ISAIAH 51:7-8
******
Featured Musicians of the Week:
“Shania Twain & Chrisette Michele”
Shania Twain, born Eilleen Regina Edwards is 45 yrs.oldand is a Canadian country pop singer-songwriter. A five-time Grammy Award winner, Twain has also achieved major success as a songwriter, winning 27 BMI Songwriter awards. Shania have a son, Eja D’Angelo (pronounced "Asia") who was born on August 12, 2001.
This song was the soundtrack for the Movie: “Notting Hill” starring Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant, a great romantic comedy.
This is a beautiful song by Shania, today I dedicate this song by Shania to someone who is very close to my heart who touched my life in a very profound way last summer…..Enjoy!
Chrisette Michele Payne is 28 yrs.old, known professionally as Chrisette Michele, is an American R&B and soul singer-songwriter on the Island Def Jam Music Group. She won a Grammy Award for Best Urban/Alternative Performance in 2009 for her song "Be OK". Michele was born in Central Islip, New York, and grew up in Patchogue. Her father was a deacon and her mother a choir director. Michele led gospel choirs in high school. Genres R&B, soul, jazz, hip-hop soul http://www.thisischrisettemichele.com/
I love Chrisette, great Jazz singer, I dedicate this song to someone whom I love dearly who is in thoughts everyday, I do miss them from my heart and soul and hope they are okay. Yes, where ever they are right now this song is for them.
This beautiful classical song by Anita Baker I dedicate to the person I refer to as “Bright Eyes” this is for you baby, where ever you are right now this song is for you……I wish you could hear it.
Picture Courtesy of “Southern Living Mag” The Cloister-http://www.seaisland.com/ This barrier-island resort is known for its friendly Southern service.
This weeks blog post is longer than my usual post because it’s about relationship. Yep! way longer.
I haven’t written much on relationship, as well, this topic have dominated my life for the past year. I was married for seventeen years, now legally separated for one year and officially on the single path and I have learnt a few things over the years. What I have tried to offer below are just some basic common sense ideas. I don’t profess to been an expert at relationships I just tried to offer some of what I have learnt over the years to you my blog readers, along with examples of the real life relationship between William and Kate in the hope that all or some parts of it can help you in your own lives.
There are so many dynamics that make up a relationship. “True love is real, but false love is forced if someone is demanding you love them.” When two people truly care for each other you can feel the energy, because they would no doubt have a strong bond and connection that everyone around them can see and feel. When someone’s love is not real the energy is different it feels off, it feels forced, your gut instincts, your intuition tells you something is not right. If someone is forcing you to love them, my question is, “What is this persons agenda or motivation if they are demanding you love them?” When someone demands you love them and your not inlove with them, it’s not real love, there is something else going on with the person. “What is their agenda, or motivation behind their actions?”
Several things could be happening with this person, but one factor at the root of this is self-esteem, and control issues. If someone is confident with themselves they will never force you to love them, that’s common sense. They will accept that your not inlove with them and they won’t force you, they will respect your decision. You have to let the people who care about you come to you naturally, you can’t demand love, it has to happen in it’s own natural way. “Why would anyone force or demand someone loves them knowing full well the person doesn’t love them in return or the way they want to be loved?” They would end up living a miserable life, and been terrible unhappy along with the person they want to be with, no doubt about it.
Real Life Relationships
Today, I have chosen to use William and Kate as real life examples of, “How not to lose a great relationship, just because someone in the relationship made a mistake.”
Prince William, now the Duke of Cambridge is a pretty level headed guy, intelligent, smart capable guy, who works with the Royal Air Force as a pilot doing search and rescue missions. However, he screwed up and made a big mistake during the relationship between him and Kate. Such a big mistake that he and Kate were separated for several months sometime in 2007. The information came from the “movie, “William and Kate 2011” That I watched a few days on television prior to the wedding.
*There are two versions of the movie Trailer (See Videos Below)
This Video includes Kate at a fashion show, plus other scenes.
William & Kate
So, what happened? a combination of a few things but apparently it started with him been upset with Kate because she mentioned he was spending too much time with his guy friends. I will pause here for awhile and I have mentioned this before in a blog article I posted awhile back. “You can always find friends but it’s difficult to find true love.” So, be careful not to let your friends ruin a great relationship. The key is to maintain balance hanging out with your friends everyday not good especially if your in a relationship. Balance is the key. If your friends respect you they will appreciate the time you spend with them whenever you can, they shouldn’t make you feel guilty if you can’t be with them all the time. If they are mature enough they should understand.
Anyway, one of William’s friends told him he’s young, he’s in his twenties why would he go get engaged when he should be out “getting all the girls he can get, because once he’s married that’s it.” I say, you could add picking up germs or incurable diseases, or getting a girl pregnant a girl you don’t see yourself been with long-term to the sentence oh, my gosh! What a lame friend. Anyway, many guys do that all the time with guy friends when they see they have a great shot at a good relationship, often times it’s out of jealousy or they just simple don’t care or because of their selfishness.
I believe guy friends say things like that because they feel they won’t get to hang out anymore, but that’s not true. So, William took off in a yacht with his guy friends partying up a storm, while Kate and him were apart for several months. Finally, he realized these girls don’t love him, they love his status, him been the future king of England one day, not William the guy. Like Teddy P. Song below says, “itfeels good loving somebody and somebody loves you back,” William realized that Kate loved him dearly for him not because of his family connection and he didn’t want to lose such a great relationship, the other women didn’t care about him, all they cared about was been seen with him. Kate loved him for him, big difference.
He knew he messed up and he admitted to making a terrible mistake and now we know they are together. He’s not perfect, neither is the next man, or the next man after that, he made just this one big mistake not many like some people, before he and Kate got engaged. Some people are addicted to mistakes and make them over and over and over again and don’t learn from them. William made just one big mistake during the relationship but he realized and was man enough to admit he screwed up big time, but he fixed his mistake and he’s with Kate now. His friends didn’t care if he fixed his mistake or not they were been selfish and just living in the moment. “Why wouldn’t he fix his mistake, he was not dead he was still alive wasn’t he?” Kate was still very much inlove with him. So, the premise of the story is that if there are men out there trying to say they won’t mess up at some point in the relationship, they are not only fooling themselves, but they are fooling you and the people around them. If they don’t mess up today, they will do it later, but it will happen, their time will come.
Relationship Don’ts
My rules are I would not go into a relationship if I was not inlove with the person, period. That road would lead to unhappiness. I would not go down the aisle or walk to the altar, or get married to someone knowing I am not inlove with them. “Why would I choose to live a lie?” Why would you choose to live a lie if you were faced with that issue? You know what I mean. You can’t lie to your heart, neither can you live with your conscience, knowing you are not inlove with someone and go into a relationship with them. If someone is forcing me to lie to my own heart then obviously that person is not right for me. Someone who truly cares for you would say, “You know what it hurts that your not inlove with me, but I want you to be happy and I wish you all the best in life.” That’s what you call doing the right thing. If you care for someone you don’t place restrictions on them you set them free with the knowledge that your day will come where someone will love you genuinely for who you are. As well, you set them free like what Kate did to William where she let him go, she did love him dearly but she refused to force him to make up his mind, he had to learn on his own he had to decide whether he wanted to be with her or not, she didn’t want to force him to love her.
I am like Kate too, I don’t want to nor would I force anyone to love me, even if I am inlove with them, I want them to love me willing from their heart, from their soul, yes, from every fiber of their being, oh, my, gosh! If they return to me, I know I did not force them and that makes it special, if they don’t return life goes on, there is nothing you can do, because you can’t force them or hold them prisoners. Kate valued herself as a woman, she held herself in high regard. Even though she was hurt about how William treated her, she went on with her life doing charitable work, hanging out with her girlfriends, just keeping busy for those several months, but also with the hope that he would return to her one day. She was hoping he would return but—-She did not force him, she wanted him to do so from his heart, which he did several months later. William went to get her and we know they are together now.
When we fall inlove with someone and something happens to keep you and the person apart, all you can do is “hope”. Hope is not a bad thing. You get on with your life, you don’t harass them or stalk them. Basically, you get on with your life, yes, in your heart as a woman, you hope the guy would return one day to you, because you love them, but they must always do this at their own “Free Will.” God gave everyone the gift of “Free Will.” Our ability to make our own choices without force or intimidation. Never force anyone to love you, let them go and if they return to you, you know it was meant to be and they did so without force. That’s what love is, that is what you do when you love someone.
That is the best gift you could give yourself and others. “How can anyone live with lying to themselves that way for the rest of your life—knowing they are not inlove with the person they are with?” That’s what I would call not living your authentic life. It would be living a life of “False Pretenses.” Picture a tower falling apart and crashing to the ground, that’s how a relationship built on “False love” would collapse, a love that is not authentic or real or genuine. You can’t demand that someone loves you. “What’s the point of doing that?”Any relationship built on that premise would fail.
******
I could talk about relationship all day but I don’t have time oh, my, gosh! I just want to say be careful ladies and men don’t fool yourselves into believing that if you meet someone and they make a couple mistakes you get rid of them because you are looking for perfection. I was married for seventeen years and my marriage ended for several reasons, nothing I wish to disclose to the general public. However, lets just say it was a very painful and tragic experience, but it definately did not qualify for “Mistake Exemption” oh, my, gosh! Sorry, not in my book. What is the point of been in a relationship if your not happy or the other person isn’t? Actually, only a handful of people know what happened to end my marriage which includes my mom, my Grandfather and yes, they fully supported my decision to end my marriage a year ago and move on with my new life and someone I met with briefly last summer. I am not one to discuss my private life with anyone, I usually do so sparingly.
Anyway, back to the topic of discussion, no one is perfect, we all at some point in life will make one big mistake whether it’s relationship motivated or otherwise. If your alive and well, I don’t see any reason why you should not be able to fix your mistake if you made one in a relationship and go on to live a happy life. Just like William, he realized he messed up and was still alive then and he is still alive now thank God for that and he was able to fixed his mistake and is now with Kate. What would have happened if he had listened to all the friends who wanted him to party all the time, and get all the girls he can get. Or, that bad friend or others around him who didn’t care if he tried to fix his mistake. “Would he have found anyone else that genuinely loved him like Kate did?” Probably not the same way. After William spoke with his dad he realized he needed to do the right thing. Good for him.
In life for me personally, it’s all about doing the right thing. We all have to live with our conscience and we must always strive to do what we know is right, not what could potentially cause alot of pain, similar to what the Queen did with Charles and Diana. Doing the right thing is always important that I know for sure. Putting people together in relationships that are just one-sided or trying to force another person to love you will not work, and in your own heart you know it’s not right.
Charles & Diana
Everyone can remember Charles Prince of Wales and Diana relationship. Charles was not inlove with Diana, but the Queen his mom wanted him to marry someone that would best fit the monarchy, the tradition. Camilla, that he was already having a relationship with did not fit this ideal. So, everyone knows by now how that relationship ended up. Diana ended up feeling depressed, lonely, sad and just miserable in the relationship. She was inlove with Charles but he was not inlove with her. No forced relationship will never work. It cannot and will only lead to failure and heartache for everyone involved.
The traditional ways of a relationships always work better. That is my belief. Been unconventional like the Queen by setting up two people who don’t care about each other, or one person cares but the other doesn’t is crazy and people shouldn’t do that. The Queen did that and it failed and cause alot of pain, heartache and embarrassment. Many ordinary middle class families like us do this sometimes and they failed as well. Now. In some cultures around the world some people believe arrange marriages where two people who have never met before or who are not even inlove with each other can work and be successful. That is their culture and I respect that, but it is not my tradition and frankly, I don’t believe in that sort of arrangement.
I would never go into a relationship with anyone I am not inlove with and no one can’t force me to be with someone I don’t want to be with either. I wouldn’t force anyone to love me either, if the person loves you and wants to be with you let them do so at their own “Free Will,” you know what I mean. If the person wants to be with you great, if they don’t, life goes on, you can’t force them. I believe people should stick with what’s right what is conventional and what is traditional. Boy meets girl, girl meets boy they fall inlove with each other and they both share a strong bond, connection and chemistry that fuels the relationship. Why would anyone want to destroy that? or make up something else to fit their ideals? That doesn’t make sense.
Life is not a parade, a dance, or a game show, life is real. Matchmaking shows today have devalued the way “Traditional love,” is suppose to be. Men and women competing for an opportunity to date one person. All by the process of elimination. People say, “may the best man or woman win.” This is dangerous thinking and it is not built on the right premise. How many people who entered these matchmaking shows end up having a successful relationship that last for many years? A handful if they are lucky. Most of these relationships failed because they are “Forced.” It’s about winning it’s not about been truly inlove.
Take the “Bachelorette Show” for example. The idea that one man who falls inlove with the girl, he’s madly inlove with her but then he makes one mistake and he’s eliminated from the show. Why? Because he comes across as either too aggressive or he said or did something silly that was embarrassing but he gets eliminated from the show. Here is the real catch, the real deal to the story. “What if he was really the one for her, her true soulmate?”A great relationship would have been lost because he made a couple silly mistakes. People have to be sensible today and I believe many people let good relationships slip by because someone makes a few mistakes on these shows. No one is perfect. In some cases on the “Bachelorette Show,” one guy will do something silly or say something silly that hurts the girl and before you know it he’s eliminated even when he admits and apologizes and say he was wrong.
The girl on the show is fooling herself. She goes ahead with this mindset along with her friends and family that wants’ the guy who says all the right things and is always nice all the time. Just because one guy made a mistake he’s been judged harshly for making a few mistakes, now the other guy is trying to make this one guy look bad, and the other guy or guys are now officially the “The Saint/s of the Day.”
Common Sense #1:
The Guy who is acting like, “The Saint of the Day,” pretending like he would never do anything to hurt the girl he’s lying to the girl, himself and the people around him. “Listen, he hasn’t hurt the girl yet, it will come.” I repeat, “he hasn’t hurt the girl yet it will come.” He hasn’t done his share of mistakes yet. At some point the guy who is acting like the saint will screw up and will make his share of mistakes that could potentially turn out to be far worst, than what the first guy did, enough to cause the relationship to fail. Think about that for awhile.
Common Sense #2:
Here is another thing, if the guy is judging this other guy harshly on how bad a mistake he makes, “how is he going to treat the girl in a relationship if she makes one mistake?” “Don’t you not think he’s going treat her the same way?” Ummm……..He would treat her terribly and judge her harshly because in his mind she must be perfect. This is a form of emotional abuse, because he will always want the woman to be perfect all the time and when she is not, he will become angry and belittle her. He would not want to forgive her for making a mistake. He would not tolerate a mistake or error from her, one mistake from her and she’s gone, his tolerance level with her would be very low, just like his tolerance level is low with the guy, the relationship would be over it would not survive. “Do you get the whole picture?”
Actually, I recently saw this played out with a couple on the television show, “My First Sale”. The guy was selling his house and the girl was not only his girlfriend but his Real Estate Agent. She couldn’t get the home to sell fast enough for him, and it reached the point where he basically told her, if she didn’t sell the home in the time he wanted, he was going to find another agent. I was shocked. I felt so sorry for the girl. Not only did he embarrass her on national television but he made her looked incompetent. This is suppose to be his girlfriend. It was a form of emotional abuse, he wanted her to be perfect. Sell his house on time when he wants it, and this was out of her control. Many times he got really angry with her and they were on television, “So,what is he like then behind closed doors?” That’s so bad, I think that girl should move on with her life, because it won’t get better it will get worse for her.
Common Sense #3:
This is for parents out there. Don’t force your children to be in a relationship with anyone they don’t love or who doesn’t love them. Don’t be like the Queen and create major unhappiness. It’s just basic common sense. If people who are inlove with each other still have issues to deal with on an everyday basis, much less having two people who don’t like each other or two people in a “One-Sided Relationship.” They would be miserable together, no doubt about it. Charles and Diana were miserable together, completely unhappy. When Diana passed away, Charles went back to the woman he was inlove with and who was inlove with him– Camilla, but not before causing everyone a whole lot of pain and suffering. We all saw how it all played out on television over the years. For crying out loud, this is just basic common sense. After all the pain the Queen went through, she decided to give Charles and Camilla permission to be together, because she didn’t want to cause herself and others anymore pain. So, putting two people together who are not inlove with each other or like Charles & Diana a one-sided relationship and tell me again, “What was the result of that marriage again?” Wake up everyone. If your child meets someone and they fall deeply inlove with the person and that person is inlove with them. Then that is who they should be with. Not with someone who doesn’t love them. “Why would you deny them the gift of true love?”
“You love your child don’t you, and don’t you want them to be happy, to spend their lives with someone who loves them?”
In life we have to use our common sense, just because one guy made a couple of mistakes doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy or he’s not the right guy for the girl. It just means he’s human. If William Prince of Wales, did not “Pucker Up,” so to speak, and realize he was going to lose a great relationship he and Kate would not have been together today, all because he made one big mistake. That is why many of these people go on these matchmaking shows and the relationship does not last because either the woman or the man looking for love on these shows have “Tunnel Vision.” They have this idea in their heads that the person must be perfect coming into their lives that they must never make one mistake, or two. When the person do end up really showing their true self and that they are in fact human and they do screw up and make mistakes. Then they say to themselves, “I don’t want this person anymore because now they said they wouldn’t hurt me and now they did, I don’t want them.” “Show me one guy out there that will not make a mistake that hurt the woman at some point in a relationship whether he did it at the beginning of the relationship or later?” Show me one. So, which is better, making the mistake at the beginning of the relationship or later. I say, at the beginning. Why? Because most people learn from it and don’t ever want to do it again. William made his big mistake at the beginning of the relationship before he and Kate got engaged. He learnt from it. Now he knows what to do. To never make the same mistake again.
For the Men
“Have you ever noticed that when a guy have a girl that’s not his type or she’s not considered for a long-term relationship, or she’s not a great fit, the girl doesn’t get noticed?” Nobody cares who he is dating. On the other hand, the minute he finds the right girl to spend the rest of his life with, then every guy wants her or like in William case try to break up the relationship. His friends realized he had found the right girl for him, and instead of encouraging him to be with Kate, they tried to break them up, but it didn’t happen.
Basically, when your guy friends try to take your girl from you, they figure you already do all the legwork to find the right girl for you, and they don’t want to go look for a girl themselves they want yours, it’s easier that way. They are been lazy basically, they don’t want to take the time out to look for someone for themselves because you already did the work. They figure if the girl is good for you, then the girl is good for them, but in most cases the woman is not a match for them, they are just been mean and downright insulting to you. “Why not just steal the cookie out the jar if it’s already there?”
Don’t forget some guy friends are just waiting for you to make one mistake, thinking that they could get a chance to be with your girl. That is mean spirited and is not a nice thing to do. Instead of trying to steal your girl, if they are truly your friends and cared at all they would try to help you get your girl back not try to take her from you. “What is the point of the guy who is trying to take your girl anyway?” Obviously, he has some issues to deal with. He can’t have what doesn’t belong to him, meaning the girl you have, have already fallen inlove with you, I would assume, he’s just wasting his time. If the girl is already inlove with you, the guy just needs to move on and find a life of his own.
He knows the girl is not into him but with you, So, the questions is, “What is this guys problem anyway?” Just one word, Jealousy. He just feels bad because he feels the girl should like him and not you, and you don’t deserve the attention, he does. “Why would he feel that way?” Confidence, he doesn’t have confidence in himself, if he did he would know that he could find a girl for himself. That’s just been childish and immature on the guys part, he needs to get over it, be mature about it, be a man about it, and move on with his own life.
Just like Kate, she was already deeply inlove with William and so the friends couldn’t break them apart, they shared a strong bond and connection. They should be helping you get your girl back Not dive in and try to take her away from you. The thing is, since they try to take your girl from you, you can’t trust them now, can you? Oh, my, gosh! Not a nice thing to do at all, let them go find someone for themselves. Women are not commodities nor are they objects, women are real people not a prize to be gained at whatever cost.
So, to all the guys out there, if you see or find the right girl for you, don’t play games and don’t wait forever to let her know you care about her. Great relationships are hard to find, true love is hard to find. The girl is not going to wait a lifetime for you. So, if you see a girl you like and she likes you don’t waste time go for it, and don’t let your friends breakup your relationship, if you know she is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. As well, don’t force a girl to love you either, it will never work out at all, the relationship would not last. My Grandmother always use this phrase with me all the time, I will pass it on to all my blog readers, “Make Hay while the Sun still Shines.” In other words, seize the moment as soon as you can. Does that make sense? Yeah, I think it does. So, for the men, it’s up to you to get the girl not the other way around. What my Grandmother was trying to tell me back then when I was a young child, now I know she was trying to motivate me with pep talk—oh, my, gosh! What she wanted was for me to get on with life, seize the day, seize the moment, don’t wait for life to fall into my lap. Go get it, whatever it is I desire in life. So, this great tip is for the men, use it wisely. So, in the long run, it’s up to you to get the girl, don’t just expect the girl to fall into your lap. I love my Grandmother so much she was so wise, I miss her everyday.
This week I have featured a great song and singer who is no longer with us but I grew up listening to his songs, “Teddy Pendergrass” his song titled, “When Somebody loves you back.” It’s a great song about when two people love each other, you love them, they love you, what more could you ask for in life. See song below—Enjoy!.
Lord, whenever You went through times of trouble, You always withdrew from the crowd and went to a place by Yourself to be alone with Your heavenly Father. Help me to learn to do that too. At the first sign of loneliness or lack of peace, remind me to draw closer to You and sense the comfort of Your presence and the healing power of Your love.
You have made him most blessed forever; You have made him exceedingly glad with Your presence. Psalm 21:6
Colbie’s song says what I just spoke about in the blog article above, you can’t force someone to love you, they have to realize and follow their own heart…..Just like William realized he loved Kate and that she loved him too, It was up to him to follow his own heart.
Theodore DeReese "Teddy" Pendergrass passed away at the age of 59, on January 13, 2010 was an American R&B/soul singer and songwriter. In 1982, he was severely injured in an auto accident in Philadelphia, resulting in his being paralyzed from the waist down. To read more about Teddy visit here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teddy_PendergrassOr visit his website here: http://www.teddypendergrass.com/
Great Song, Great Singer. Wasn’t Teddy a handsome guy? He is funny too have a listen—Turn this up and Enjoy, I love this song!
Picture courtesy of “Coastal Living Mag” Pairing a light pink fabric and darker pink floor turns up the contrast in this beachside space. 
spoke recently with Access Hollywood about how her 14-year marriage suddenly came crashing down. And now, the 45-year-old singer has revealed to Access Hollywood’s Shaun Robinson brand new painful details about her ex-husband’s alleged betrayal, and how she discovered the tragic news.
and is a Canadian country pop singer-songwriter. A five-time Grammy Award winner, Twain has also achieved major success as a songwriter, winning 27 
known professionally as Chrisette Michele, is an American R&B and soul singer-songwriter on the 
songwriter and guitarist from Malibu, California. Her father, 
away at the age of 59, on January 13, 2010 was an American R&B/soul singer and songwriter. In 1982, he was severely injured in an auto accident in Philadelphia, resulting in his being paralyzed from the waist down. To read more about Teddy visit here: 
