Courtesy of The Cottages & Lofts at the Boat Basin, Writer David Hanson
Booster Shots For Living
I would rather have eyes that cannot see, ears that cannot hear, lips that cannot speak, than a heart that cannot love.
–Robert Tizon, Author
‘Tis a gift to be simple,
’Tis a gift to be free,
‘Tis a gift to come down
Where we ought to be
And when we find ourselves
In the place that’s right
’Twill be in the valley
Of Love and delight
—-Nineteenth-Century Shaker Hymn
My son just a few days ago who is 5 yrs. old. decided he’s going to draw a picture of his house and put his telephone number on it because there is a girl in his class that he likes and he wants’ her to call him for play dates. Oh, my, gosh! 5 yrs. old, I didn’t even tell him to do this, he just came up with this, by the time he reaches 10 yrs.old he will be on steady dates, oh, my, I am in trouble. He’s a real Casanova. What’s going to happen when he’s a teenager? Are all boys like this? Because he’s not shy. Well, that’s the way to get the girls to come home, just draw them a picture of the house, that will do it.
*Marci Shimoff Author of “Happy For No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out www.happyfornoreason.com
Marci mentions in her book about a time in her life where she just wasn’t happy. She says, I know this all too well from my own experience. For many years, I lived on and off with a severe, stabbing, and often debilitating pain in my heart. It began over twenty years ago, right after I ended a relationship with a man I loved. I fell apart when he started dating a good friend of mine. I figured my heartache would mend with time, or at least when I met someone new, I felt I couldn’t take another breath because the pain was so intense; I was afraid I was having a heart attack. I visited many doctors, but no one could find a physical reason for my pain. My heart was heavy both physically and emotionally.
Recently, I too experience that kind of emotional pain and it’s the kind of pain that doctors can’t seem to cure. Why? because it’s an emotional one, but transcended in a physical way, it’s like a deep mourning, that’s my way of describing it, it hurts like crazy. Once you’ve gone through that dark tunnel then comes the light at the end. If you are not spiritually and emotionally prepared for this kind of pain though it could last a long time. For me that time as passed, that kind of pain is over, I feel completely at peace, there is this kind of calm that comes over you, and it feels like your floating but not quite, well that’s just how I feel. There is a sense of knowing, and owning your own power as a woman, “God doesn’t give us more than what he thinks we can endure.”
At some point in life we all go through these testing times, especially when it comes to relationships. Now, personally I have learnt a lot over the years, enough to probably write a book, which I might write one day, when I am not so busy baking cookies, but I am still learning. What does one look for in a partner? Well some people would say, “I want it all or nothing at all.” Some people want everything included on the buffet line, so to speak, oh, my, gosh!
Sometimes you watch these dating shows and I swear I don’t know where some of these women land from, the things they say and do on a date is crazy, just crazy and the men too. They want everything, the woman must be completely perfect, no one is perfect, please remember that. What I find interesting about the women though is that most if not all are very educated, but the things that comes out of their mouths, sounds so childish and immature, I can’t believe it sometimes. Here is the real deal, most time on these shows the guys tend to go for the real hot chick, oh, my! but the woman can’t keep a conversation or she doesn’t want kids or this one is real popular among women, I am sorry I don’t cook. “So if they don’t cook who’s going to feed the kids?” Or, “what happens if they have to host a party? Do they plan on catering all the time?”Just frozen dinners every night? Or go out to the restaurant every night? They seem to take a lot of pride in the fact that they don’t cook, I don’t think that’s funny, every woman should learn to cook it’s not rocket science, and it’s not chic for a woman to not know how to cook.
There are so many books available and television shows to watch, no excuse to not know to cook. I love to cook, I don’t buy frozen dinners, Why? my kids would throw a fit, there not used to eating that way, I have to cook everyday. Frozen Pizzas aren’t bad the quality is getting better, but frozen dinners no. Another thing is they have some weird fetish, or they do so many things with their bodies like, lipo suction, and boob jobs. They don’t need it but they do it. You know what it is, self-confidence they have very little or none at all, so they try to buy it by doing cosmetic surgery. These women are already beautiful they don’t need that. Okay, nobody is going to make me over! Oh, my, gosh! Most of these women are very educated but they have no common sense, it’s crazy.
Most Caribbean women though feel confident about how we look and feel. I think women from the Caribbean feel confident, because the men there don’t want skinny women, so we don’t get that kind of pressure like here in North America. If a woman looks like a stick men in the Caribbean won’t date you, that’s the culture there. As a matter of fact, men in Iceland operate the same way like men are in the Caribbean, apparently they don’t like small women either. Ask any male from the Caribbean. I don’t think women should do that to themselves, it’s just sad to see them do this, beauty comes from within first and if you are beautiful on the outside too then that’s a plus.
My philosophy is to “Keep it Simple.” A couple a months ago I watched on television a lady was asked what kind of mate are you looking for, and on top of her list was “someone who was environmentally friendly.” Not someone who will treat her right. Or, someone who would make a good partner. Oh, my! Is she going to date the environment or the guy? Please! I say stick to the basics and it always works. Bob Marley the Reggae Singer once wrote a song, I can’t remember the name of the song, but he says, “If you look into a woman’s eyes and you can see your future children, then that’s the woman you want to be with.” In other words, how does the person makes you feel? If you feel like you can’t stand been around them, then that’s your sign, if you like been around them a lot then that’s a good sign. If they make you feel good and you can’t see yourself living without them, then that’s a great sign. If you wake up every morning and go to bed at night and this person is all you can think about then that’s a great sign too.
Here are some questions to ask yourself about what you want in a mate?
Do you and this person share a lot of common interests?
Do you want a supermodel or just a regular person?
Do you want someone who shares your faith and spirituality?
Is the person a giver or taker when it comes to love?
Do you see yourself waking up with this person every morning for the rest of your life? (This one is important, this simple question overrides all other questions combine, it’s a simple question but it works, if the answer is NO then, find someone else that you can see yourself with it’s that simple.)
When your with this person do you feel like you have known them all your life? This also is a good test. A relationship built on friendship and trust is great. If you feel like you have known this person all your life, and you have a lot of things in common, then that’s a great sign that you could have a long lasting relationship.
What does your heart say to you?
Recently, I heard Neyo one of my favourite singers said on TV. when asked about what is pet peeves in a relationship are, he says, he likes a lot of space. If a guy needs a lot of space in a relationship, he’s not ready for a serious relationship. Okay, too much space in a relationship can lead to huge gaps. People need to be careful of this, yes, a guy needs his space to chill out after a long day, but too much space and your partner will feel alienated hence, a stagnant relationship, hence a break up. Just try to maintain some balance.
Chuck Hughes 33 yrs. old from the Food Network show “Chuck Hughes Day Off” love, love his cooking show, this guy can cook, always something interesting on the menu. He was just recently interviewed by Hello Canada Magazine and when asked about is relationship with is girlfriend about spending time together he had this to say: “I think it’s all about spending quality time,” he continues. When you’re together it is important to really be together. We don’t second-guess or [doubt each other] I think that’s the beauty of my relationship. See what I meant earlier about this space thing people ask for in relationships. Just be careful not to alienate your partner.
Spending meaningful time in a relationship together helps keep the relationship going it doesn’t hurt it. It could be simple things, like taking a walk together, cooking together, or just simple watching a show together. Another thing that’s important, is sometimes both male or females put their friends above their partner, don’t do it. Your friends are your friends, you can hang out with them and have fun, but never let your partner feel like they have to compete for your attention. Your partner is your partner and your friend is your friend, friends are not going to be there when things in your life get really gritty like you been ill, etc, your partner is the one that’s going to be taking care of you, be careful not to let your friends override your relationship. Just a thought. Remember, you choose the person because you wanted to be with them in the first place, not for them to become furniture pieces in the home, just something for you to consider.
Been Funny?
Another thing sometimes I keep hearing from people on these dating shows, I need someone who is funny, “What on earth are they talking about?” Isn’t that what Yuk, Yuks Comedy club is for? So if the person can’t crack a joke one day, it’s serious grounds for divorce?” Oh, my gosh! Where do people come up with these things. See, if I was in Jamaica I wouldn’t have any problems with jokes, Jamaicans have so many friends to crack us up all the time, you wouldn’t even remember you have a partner that can’t make a joke. You can pay to get jokes, you don’t need a partner who can make you laugh everyday, life is not a bed a roses everyday life is real. Everyone is naturally funny, I think most people can crack a joke sometimes. Talking about finding someone who is funny just adds pressure to an already difficult search in finding a partner. Just relax and keep it simple, don’t over think things. Instead of looking for a partner who is funny—take funny out and look for someone who have a Zest and Passion for life. In other words, you want a confident partner. That makes more sense. Been funny all the time can’t and won’t keep a relationship alive, it can help but that alone can’t sustain a relationship. You don’t want a boring partner in a relationship, every person in a relationship is like fuel, no fuel or not enough fuel and the relationship stops just like a vehicle when it runs out of gas. Someone who have a lot of Passion, Zest and Desire for life can spark a relationship and this can keep it going for many years. Do you know what I think? People just watch too much of these Television shows and they get carried away, or they read too many magazines full of all the things to look for in a partner. Your list should be short, like a Elevator pitch for a business plan one paragraph, just 6-8 key points that’s it.
You can make up your own list but try to keep it really simple. Nothing Exotic, like wanting someone who’s environmentally, friendly or who’s family have many houses, or how many holidays they take every year, or who comes from a family that have links with the Prime Minister. Your not going to be dating status, “your going to be living with them all the time, right?” Remember you have to live with this person for the rest of your life, don’t add all this fancy stuff of what you want, just keep it simple.
Do you know what will just blow everything away that I just said earlier? There is just one ingredient in a relationship and if you don’t have it, and to me that is fuel for a relationship, one word:
Chemistry. That’s it. If you have Chemistry that’s it right there, after that then everything just falls into place. This is the Diesel fuel for a relationships it could go forever.
One day, I was watching a dating show and a lady went on a date it was in the US. and she was on this date with this really nice guy, but then after the date the lady who was doing the matchmaking asked her, are you going on a second date, she said no. [I am laughing as I write this] The lady asked why, she said, he didn’t chew properly. Oh, my, gosh! So she passed up a potentially and probably successful relationship because she couldn’t see pass his chewing, so how his he suppose to eat, with is mouth closed all the time? I don’t get it, see things like that don’t bother me, I don’t look at that. What about the character of a person or a persons personality, or things you have in common? That’s more important, not how they chew. she didn’t even give the guy a chance, strange people out there, strange, wow!
What kind of person are you in a relationship? Are you the kind that like your space like Neyo, or you like to be together with your partner most of the time? Do you like open honest discussion in a relationship or do prefer to keep everything inside? Everyone’s different. For me, Umm… I am very transparent. In other words, I am very direct, I am not afraid to ask for what I want, I am very open about my feelings, and I think most people should do that. Some people aren’t like that though, I don’t know why, If you can’t or your not willing to open up in a relationship it won’t work. Just say what’s on your mind. Ask for what you want.
Prince William is a good example, of a guy who choose a simple woman, I stand corrected, she looks simple on the outside but she’s quite intelligent and 
beautiful on the inside and out. Apparently, one reporter says, she’s never held a steady job, but that’s not important, to him, it’s the person that counts, smart guy, I wish more guys were like him.
Can you imagine the amount of time William and Kate spends together? They spend more time together than the average couple. Lots of time, between the interviews, the parties, a day at the Alps, you name it, they are together twenty-four seven! and it works for them, it does work, been apart too much in a relationship doesn’t, because eventually you grow apart. It’s all about balance. I’m sure he’s not tired of been with her, she is beautiful and she seems like a really nice person. I could see them having a long relationship.
Ahhhh……. relationship, marriage, separation, I could talk all day! but I can’t, oh, my gosh! After seventeen years, I have a lot to talk about, but it can’t fit here, OMG! I think this is my longest blog post, relationship seems to dominate my life this year, what else dominates my life, lots of things, “Can’t a woman get a break around here!” Oh, my gosh! but it’s okay, God has been preparing me, I’m sure he has a plan, I just don’t know what his plan is yet, but I trust him.
When it comes to us women I have heard it said so many times whether through reading a book or from a television show, but sometimes we ignore the warning. If for some reason you call a guy to let him know that you like him, which most relationship experts would say, don’t do it, and the guy says his feelings are not reciprocated then just move on. It hurts, and you feel completely rejected, but just move on and don’t call again. The way I think about it is, if you for example, tried for a job and the company called you and said, “we are sorry but you didn’t get the job,” you’re not going to call them and beg to have the job, or ask them zillions of questions why they didn’t choose you, no most often you will feel disappointed and hurt and yes, rejected but you would move on and find another job. You’re not going to call the company and harass them for days or weeks about not getting the job. So, not getting a “yes it’s reciprocated answer,” or “I’m sorry, I have a girlfriend, means you simple have to leave it alone and move on. Especially when they say they have a girlfriend you don’t want to be the cause of a break up. If your separated male or female you can date, but if the guy says they have a girlfriend then, just move on.
As women, it’s important to keep your dignity intact and you want to respect that persons decision too. It’s not about, well, if you like them you would keep calling, it’s not that, it’s about keeping your self-respect, and you don’t want to be labeled a stalker either. Who knows what’s going on in the persons life could be millions of things, and you don’t want to spend the rest of your life wondering what these things are, so move on, because their is nothing else you can do about the situation when it seems there’s someone else in their lives.
If someone calls you and tells you they like you etc, etc, and you feel inclined to pursue a relationship with that person then by all means give it a shot. Always remain open to life. And, like “Jewel” says, in her new song, Satisfied the one I posted below, If you feel you like or love someone then tell them. You have to be brave like my son, oh, my gosh! draw a picture of your house and put your telephone# on it, you can’t get more direct than that. I still crack up over that he’s too sweet, he won’t need his mommy’s help at all.
All women desire is to feel appreciated, loved and yes, respected and like Rhianna song says, “I want you to make me feel like I am the only girl in the world…..” I think all women would agree, it’s all about how you make a woman feel, just completely special. Sweeping her off her feet so to speak, and it’s not hard to do.
No quality is more attractive than poise—that deep sense of being at ease with yourself and the world.
—Good Housekeeping, September 1947
Watch Music Videos Below: “Enjoy!”
Jewel-“Satisfied”
*This is a newly release song from Jewel
released 5 mths. ago
Watch Video on Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArAlk3yf5hI
Rihanna-“The Only Girl in the World”
Watch Video on Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa14VNsdSYM
Blake Shelton-“All About Tonight”
Love Blake Shelton Songs,
I love this song and the video.
Newly released 4 mths. ago
Watch Video on Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=znyAB7WOvkA
Sean Paul Ryan Francis Henriques is 38 yrs.old who performs under stage name Sean Paul, is a Jamaican Grammy winning reggae/dancehall artist who is the former lead vocalist of the Dutty Cup Crew. Sean Paul was born in Kingston, Jamaica, and spent his early years in Upper Saint Andrew Parish, a few miles north of Kingston. His parents, Garth and Frances, were both talented athletes, and his mother is a well-known painter. Sean Paul played for the national water polo team from the age of thirteen to twenty-one, when he gave up the sport in order to launch his musical career. His paternal grandfather was a Sephardic Jew whose family immigrated from Portugal, and his paternal grandmother was Afro-Caribbean his mother is of English and Chinese Jamaican descent.
Kevin Lyttle (born Lescott Kevin Lyttle Coombs, is 34 yrs.old and is a soca artist hailing from Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, who had a worldwide hit with the interpellative soca ballad, "Turn Me On", which was recorded by Lyttle and the dancehall artist Spragga Benz. Lyttle lives in Miami, Florida and is married to Dr. Jacqueline James. http://www.kevinlyttle.com/
