Our Authentic Self

Picture courtesy of “Coastal Living Mag” Pairing a light pink fabric and darker pink floor turns up the contrast in this beachside space. 

 

Booster Shots For Living

 

I have been so busy, my gosh! My son had his S.K. Graduation on Thursday gone. He will be off to Grade 1 in September and my daughter took off for a camping trip to Peterborough early this morning and won’t be back until tomorrow. Me and my son will be home all day today. Wow! Plus I am still trying to get my home prepared for sale, I am nearly there, but I still have the entire house carpet to clean, room by room. Boy, oh, Boy I really do need a social life.   

 
My 6 yr.old son Richard says this little girl is his girlfriend. Oh, my, gosh!  Her name is Katelyn she is blond. I don’t know what is going on with this blond thing, he’s too funny. Here is the real deal, she said this is her boyfriend too. Kids! He will be going to her BBQ party on the last day of school because she invited him. I can’t believe my son have a more active social than I do, oh, my, gosh! Too funny.

Yes, starting to clear clutter from my kitchen. Kitchens are
hard to de-clutter. This flower in the jar is from my backyard, I will miss it when the house is sold. Well, some new owner will have a great plant to enjoy.

(Picture of Peony in my backyard taken on June 21,2011)
Peony plant They are native to Asia, southern Europe and western North America. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peony

 

 

 To Love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.
–Oscar Wilde

 

Living our authentic self should be one of our main priorities in life. We should treat this as a vital functioning system, similar to the way we eat to stay alive. Part of been authentic is accepting that you will not lie to yourself, or allow others to manipulate you into making you believe that you are someone who is not real or genuine. Living authentic is about fully wanting to have genuine love, happiness and completely abandoning all the negative things in your life that does not work for you including relationships. Be true to yourself at all times about how you feel in your heart especially with the person you are entering a relationship with.

“Love is like a tree. Without the roots of the tree no love, no relationship or no marriage can ever survive.”

 

Going forward on this new journey in life my goal is to always be true to myself and to be as authentic as I can without losing my sense of self and purpose. Last Summer, I met someone oh, so briefly whom I can describe in so many words as wonderful, magnificent  and beautiful. Everyday that passes I miss them dearly, words cannot describe how much they truly mean to me. I don’t say this lightly when I say, “No one will ever be able to replace them, because they mean the world to me.”

I will remain true to my heart because, I want nothing less for myself. If they can’t be with me, at this time I would never enter a relationship with anyone for the sake of just wanting to be in a relationship. “Why?” Because I fell inlove and it was real and it was genuine and I don’t see myself been with anyone else. 

What I want you my blog readers to understand, is to always be true, authentic and real with yourself especially women. Don’t second guess yourself as a woman, when it comes to love. Follow your instincts it never fails. If you meet someone and you didn’t make an emotional connection or the chemistry wasn’t there with them then use that as your inner guide—your compass. It is telling you that the person you didn’t have an emotional connection with is not the right person for you, don’t second guess yourself, just follow your intuition. It will never fail you.

It’s summer now and many of you women out there will either be getting engaged or be walking down the aisle this summer. This will be probably one of the most exciting times of your life, but it could also turn out to be one of the most painful, if you marry someone you are not inlove with. What I want you to take with you, on this new and exciting time of your life, is to not get engaged or walk down the aisle with someone you know in your heart you are not inlove with. If your not inlove with the person and you get committed to them in that way, you will only cause yourself a great deal of pain and unhappiness.

Not only for yourself but your family will also be affected because eventually your marriage will start to fall apart and they will not only be deeply hurt by your pain and sadness, but you don’t want them to live with such a painful regret.  I have heard stories over the years or I might come across an occasional person who is filled with regret because they end up marrying the wrong person, or the person they liked but was not inlove with. “Don’t let that happen to you.”

I am not quote and quote a Psychologist or Therapist but I do speak from experience— “my life experiences” have taught me so many things and so I want to share my knowledge with my blog readers so you all can live a better and more fulfilling life.

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Has backup, I have posted what Dr.Robin said in an article about the “Importance of Love in a Marriage” She is an expert in her field I believe you can trust what she says and she says the same thing I have been saying on my blog for awhile now. The overall message: “Do not go into relationships with people who you are not inlove with or who is not inlove with you. Do not enter into relationships that are “One-Sided.”

 

This is what Dr.Robin had to say in her own words
http://www.drrobinsmith.com/

Recently Dr. Robin received a call from a 24-year-old man named Will, who said he was ready to get married. He had a crucial question for Dr. Robin: How important is love in a marriage?
"The bottom line is, at the end of the day, true and genuine love is all that counts," Dr. Robin says. In the context of marriage, being loved means that someone knows you, she says. "They see the things that are magnificent and great about you, and they also see your shortcomings. They invite you to come to the table with all of who you are and all of who you are not, and they embrace your journey."

Dr. Robin says “if love is not at the foundation of your relationship, don’t get married.” 

"If you stand at the alter and you take vows saying you are going to love someone with all of your heart, body and mind, but you don’t want to be there, then not only are you going to hurt that person but you are going to hurt them a lot more after you say ‘I do,’ when you start pulling away from them."

The exhilaration of being in love is necessary, but you need a foundation built on true love in order to sustain your relationship over time, Dr. Robin says. "It requires that you really know what your own needs are, what your own interests are," Dr. Robin says. "Love is essential in a marriage if it is to be worth your love, your time and your energy."

This is exactly what I have been saying even in my last article and prior articles I posted on my blog. I care about people and that is why I want to write and pass on what I have learnt to you my blog readers. Especially since my 17 yr marriage has come to an end. Relationships already have so many dynamics to it, and so many issues to work out, “Why would you want to go into a relationship with or get married to someone you are not inlove with or who is not inlove with you?” Save yourself a lifetime of pain and don’t enter into any relationship like that. It is just basic common sense and anyone who wants you to do that does not care for you, and does not have your best interest at heart. Neither do they care for themselves.

As a woman, don’t allow yourself to fall into that kind of trap or allow others to manipulate you, or force you, or demand that you love them, when clearly you don’t feel the same way about them. If you are getting married soon. Take your wedding vows seriously. I am quite sure that many of you have children and you want to pass the same message to your children. Why? You want them to be happy, you want them to live an authentic life and you don’t want them to get into relationships where the other person doesn’t love them. It’s just common sense people.

“Don’t walk down the aisle with anyone man or woman if you know in your heart you are not inlove with the person.” It will save you a whole heap of heartache, pain, and yes, suffering. Sometimes people get into relationships and decide to get married, knowing they are not inlove with the person, because they feel embarrassed to tell the person, that they are not inlove with them. Don’t be embarrassed, it’s better to speak up now and speak the truth before committing yourself. You would be saving yourself a lifetime of pain.

Personally, I would never be the kind of person that would stand before God and lie to God about what I feel in my heart. Especially, on such a special occasion as when one is taking their marriage vows. When someone is demanding or forcing you to love them when you are not inlove with them, Basically, what they are asking you to do especially if your a woman who is going to be getting married and you stand before the priest or pastor. Is that, the person is just plainly asking you to lie to God  and yourself and that my dear is wrong. On a special day like your wedding day, “Don’t make a mockery of God, and don’t allow others to force you to make a mockery of yourself and for you to not live your true authentic self.” Remember, you could potentially end up spending the rest of your life with someone who you know your not inlove with so don’t as a woman commit to any man if your not inlove with them. I wouldn’t get myself into that kind of situation ever! Don’t go down that road, and don’t let anyone try to drag you down that path either, let them go down that road by themselves but not with you. You deserve better than that in life.

 

“Life is way too short to enter a relationship or marriage with someone you are not inlove with or who is not inlove with you.”

 

Love Quotes

“It’s hard to pretend you love someone when in fact you don’t.”

“Don’t force yourself to fall in love just because you think it’s your turn. Wait for a while, maybe cupids are having a hard time searching for the heart that deserves the kind of love you can give.”

“To truly love is to have the courage to walk away and let the other person who wishes to be free go no matter how much it hurts.

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Stormie Omartian Prayer of the Day
www.stormieomartian.com

When You Need to Live By God’s Word

Lord, help me to know Your Word well enough to speak it out loud whenever I need to recall it. I know that Your Word is living and powerful, and it always accomplishes the purpose for which You have sent it. May Your Word living in me help me to become the whole and productive person You made me to be. May it work in me and prepare me to accomplish great things for Your kingdom.

So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.

Isaiah 55:11

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All these beautiful love songs I dedicate to someone I refer to as “Bright Eyes” these songs are for you.” I Miss you everyday of every hour and hope you are okay, wherever you are….these songs go out to you.

Watch Video On Youtube

 

Love this song by Christina such a powerful song…Turn this up and enjoy!

Watch Video On Youtube

 

Love Chrisette she has such a soulful voice that is very genuine…Enjoy!

Watch Video On Youtube

 

Watch Video On Youtube

Birthday DIY At-Home Birthday Party Themes

www.savvymom.ca

 

 

Birthday DIY

At-Home Birthday Party Themes

Our trendspotting team of moms has noticed that the once common-place at-home birthday party has gone the way of the dodo bird and we’re hearing kids clamouring to bring it back. Don’t fret. Thanks to submissions from our very savvy readers, we have some great ideas. They’re sure to keep the troops happy and smiling so you can relax and look like the savvy mom that you are.

From Carol McNutt, Owen Sound – Walk Like an Egyptian Party
Do up the invitations on parchment paper, inviting the kids to Pharoah [insert your child’s name]’s Pyramid. Play themed games (for fun ideas, click here) and wrap the children up in white toilet paper or crepe paper to make them into mummies. For the loot bag, a copy of ‘Mummies in the Morning’ Magic Treehouse book, some gold-wrapped chocolate coins and a bookmark with their name written in hieroglyphics (with some help from websites like this one).

From Jordie Barker, Toronto – Celebrate Spring Party
For springtime birthday parties, tell the guests to come ready for planting. Gather all the children outside or in the garage to paint flowerpots before playing some outdoor games. Afterwards (when the paint has had time to dry), plant some seeds or a small plant in the pots for each child to take home and grow. Flower-decorated cupcakes or digging through vanilla ice cream covered with mud (aka Oreo cookie crumbs) for gummy worms make a great dessert.

From Becky Whitten, Orangeville – A Tinkerbell and Peter Pan Story
Take the plastic swimming pool from the garage, put a board over it and bingo, walk the plank. Make a treasure map and send the children on their way—indoor or outdoor—to find the treasure (aka the loot bags, golden coins work well here too). Invite the boys to dress as pirates and the girls as pretty damsels, and the birthday child as Peter Pan, Captain Hook or Tinkerbell. The cake? Make it the clock the alligator ate.

From Jolie Armstrong, Toronto – A Miniature Party
Small on décor but large on fun, have a mini party where everything is small. Serve drinks in 1 ounce shot glasses, mini cupcakes and mini sandwiches complete the feast. Make party hats from coned cups (the water cooler kind) and streamers from string and paper punched circles.

From Kathleen Chin, Etobicoke – A Super Superhero Party
Invite your guests to come as their favourite superhero—everyone loves to dress up. Set up a series of games such as egg toss, water balloon toss, pin the tail on the donkey and statue, telling the kids they are games to demonstrate their superhero powers. Give prizes from the dollar store so everyone wins. Add in a themed cake with the birthday child’s favourite superhero. Make sure you have help—ask other moms or local babysitters in your neighbourhood to help with each super-station.

From Karen Vermeeren, Calgary – Almost a Sleepover Party
For the ‘too young for a sleepover’ set, invite the children to come over (in their pyjamas) from 5 – 8 pm with their pillows, sleeping bags, and stuffed animals. Have pizza, popcorn and watch a movie in the dark (give every kid a dollar-store flashlight). Play freeze dance with some fun pop music (I Like to Move It from Madagascar is a fave). Best part—you won’t be up all night!

So stay home and party. It might be a bit messier but there’s no better way to add character to your home than hosting a children’s birthday party.

Our parents did it all the time. Surely we can too.

The Unselfish Divorce: Separating But Living Together

 

Dr. Jane Greer

Marriage and Family Therapist, Author, Radio Host

Posted: January 25, 2011 10:29 PM

 

Trying times call for trying new measures. Today’s economy has left many divorcing couples in a position of not being able to make a clean break and move out. Opera singer Cassandra Manning and her husband Jeremy are one of the couples who talked about the difficulty they’ve had with this reality. They are not alone. Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman, Stephanie Seymour and her husband Peter Brant, as well as many other separating couples continued to live together for a variety of reasons.

Years ago I worked with a couple, let’s call them Bonnie and Frank, who reached the end of their marital rope as partners, but not as parents. Given their financial constraints, they continued to live together. Despite their anger and resentment toward each other, they remained steadfast in their commitment to their children. While irresponsible in most aspects of the marriage, Frank always rallied around taking care of the children. I remember once Bonnie asked if I thought it would be strange if they vacationed together at Disney World with the kids while going through their divorce. Apart, neither could make the trip, for practical and financial reasons, but together they could; so I supported their cooperative spirit.
Divorce is a long process which takes time. Bonnie and Frank were at the beginning of their divorce, which is one of the most difficult phases, because it’s a gray zone, an uncharted territory with no clear rules. But their exerted effort actually added up to their getting along civilly with each other and helped dilute some of the bad blood between them. Their Disney World trip became a blueprint for behaving respectfully despite their mutual anger so that they could expedite their divorce and get on with their lives. It set the stage for remaining accessible and available to each other, despite their differences. Together they made sure that their children didn’t suffer and smoothly maintained the kids’ schedules with school, afterschool activities and friends.

Their experience got me thinking about the unselfish divorce. For some couples it can actually be a reality rather than a fantasy to work together as you proceed through the divorce to achieve your goal of being separate. Whether you are motivated by your children, limited finances, or other practicalities, the unselfish divorce is something to aspire to. While "over and out" is always an option, the matters of money and children are making a huge difference in the freedom, or lack thereof, available to couples who no longer want to be married to each other. Some couples simply can’t afford to live in two separate households with all the accompanying expenses, especially if they are paying high rent or one or both are out of a job. Consequently, spouses may have to live together indefinitely on the road to divorce until they have enough money to move out.

My book What About Me?: Stop Selfishness from Ruining Your Relationship describes getting from a me to a we, learning to share while holding onto yourself. If you don’t do that, it can spell the demise of your marriage. In an ironic way, not being able to find the we while you are getting divorced can be equally damaging because it can keep you pitted against your spouse in ongoing battle. If you can put the measuring of who gives and gets more aside, and help each other through the hard time, you will get there faster. Be very clear about the expectations you have of each other with regard to joint responsibility, which will allow things to go as easily as possible. If you can reasonably divvy them up it will unite you in your common goal of separating. This creates a living environment that gives you the room to pursue an independent life from each other. Although you may still be together under one roof, by drawing clear lines in the sand you really can divide and conquer the realm of divorce. If you are willing to lay down weapons and let go of the blame and criticism, you can make an unworkable marriage a workable divorce.
This is easier said than done. It means focusing on what you both stand to gain rather than what each of you is going to lose in the process. This isn’t for everyone. If there has been infidelity and betrayal, or if one person wants out but the other doesn’t, the damage and pain is a huge force field to navigate.

As Bonnie was going through her divorce, at one point she told me she couldn’t believe that it had come to her fighting with Frank over who would get to keep the sugar bowl (a wedding gift). I replied while she couldn’t hold onto the sweetness lost between her and Frank, she could instead continue to make choices to behave in a way that didn’t turn things more sour than they already were. Deciding to manage their anger constructively made a huge difference in their getting through the divorce, and it is an option for couples to strive for.